As a writer and artist, I’ve experienced the fear of the blank page. For me the fear is rooted in what happens after I make an idea or part of myself visible and real in the world. How will I handle judgment, disappointment, or ambivalence if not celebration, agreement, and adoration, from myself or others, then the emotions that might come after the reactions?

I’m learning that not acknowledging the possibility of more outcomes beyond a negative judgment or show of appreciation only creates restrictions and limits. When I share my perspective, confidently or not, the unknowable might be inspired in someone else or a seed of understanding may be planted. And even if it causes the worst-imaginable reaction (I am probably over-thinking what that looks like), I know I can handle any negative feedback, even if it’s in reaction to my mistake or failure.

I still feel awkward and scared when faced with a blank page or big next step (and I might be silently judging myself right now) but I realize that silence has scarier results like missing out on connections or being left out of collective efforts. The act of putting this concept out through my newsletter is scary but liberating and I know there will be more opportunities to practice it. This kind of challenge never ends, does it? Please let me know if you can relate!

I GET SH*T DONE

Living the Dream

When I hear the question “What’s your dream job?” I have mixed feelings. My truest personal aspirations and dreams are not about work. Part of my dream is having a general sense of stability and success and that can come from having a job! The cause of most of my struggles in the job search happens when I don’t feel successful, as in not having a steady flow of work.

I’ve never been someone who invests my full identity in my job; my motivation and purpose come from meeting challenges wherever I find them. In the big picture, that means simplifying and communicating complex topics to help others understand and then act on that information. My career path in publishing and marketing tracks with this.

I’ve found success with marketing content or project management for my clients and will continue that. Still, the biggest challenge that I haven’t met since 2023 is landing a steady gig and building community in an organization that offers a service or knowledge-sharing. I love my entrepreneurial spirit and taking on new projects, but I know that I thrive as a team member, problem solving, and being part of a collective effort.

When it comes down to it, I am accomplishing all of the above with paid or volunteer projects. If it weren’t for capitalism, I’d be content, because I know that my success does not have to be from one cohesive source. And still, the search continues! If you’re searching, too, I hope this helped.

ART STUFF

Check out my Instagram post about how my “Brokenhearted Kaleidoscope” art illustrates resilience and caring.